This
post was due almost 3 months ago when I just returned from India. Been busy and
lazy all this while.
The
outcome of my trip to home was Happyness.
Before leaving for India, I was a little skeptical about being comfortable at
home after staying two years away from family and all kinds of relations. I know I changed a
lot in the two years (so much that I don’t exactly remember what I was, those 2
yrs ago). I learned a lot. I unlearned a lot more. I lost a little. I gained a
lot more. I laughed a little, but smiled a lot. I heard a lot, but listened a
little. I became serious. I was not sure if I would have fun the way I used to
with my mom. I grew up. But frankly, I was never a small child to my mom than I
was during this trip. Every moment I was in India, I was really happy. And the happyness was absolute child-like,
nothing in it being childish. I knew the reason why. I chose it to be.
There
was a day or two where my dad and I had deep intellectual discussions about
happyness. My dad was pleasantly surprised with my arguments and my mom,
genuinely shocked. There were role reversals. There were talks with my
grandfather – some of which made him proud. There were times of laughter with the
few friends – I don’t remember the reason except that I was responsible for
some of them. There were meetings with teachers, who were genuinely pleased to
see an old student after a long time. There were other moments too, where I had
to think quite a lot before making a statement because of the long gap. There
was happyness all over. Again, I knew
the reason why. I chose it to be.
Before
leaving to India, I was skeptical about being myself there. That was because I
tried staying away from people for most of the time I was in U.S. I was not
sure if I could accept so many people around me. But surprisingly, it felt
good. That made me skeptical about my return to U.S. I was not sure if I would
not cry before leaving India for the second time. I was not sure if all those
moments I had in India, would not haunt me as memories once I reach U.S. I was
not sure if I could live alone, which I was planning to. It has been three
months. I did not cry – not even close. I am smiling all the time. The memories
never haunted. They just linger. And I live alone now – happily. I know the
reason why. I chose to be.
This
does not mean I want to live alone forever. This does not mean I will stay away
from people forever. This does not mean I will not call anyone a friend
forever. But, this also does not mean that I will like it if someone decides
something for me. I hate it when someone states that I am angry when I am not.
I hate it when someone takes control over my state of being. I know the reason
why. I am the person who has to choose it to be for myself – not someone else.
For
me, happyness is a much heavy and profound
word than mere happiness. I do not care to reason why. If a grammatical error
is making me happy-er, I will happy-ly choose that. For I have
realized that happyness is just a
choice. I have realized that long back and have been choosing it ever since. My trip to India is just a
recent proof of that. Every moment is just a matter of choice. One of the
choices is always happyness. And you
know what I chose! J
