I WANT SOMEONE..!!

I want someone who can be my friend, as well as support..

I want someone who can be my strength as well as my weakness..

I want someone who likes me equally or more than I do..

I want someone who can change me without making me realize the change...

I want someone who can be empathetic with me, but not pity me..

I want someone who can understand me better than I do..

I want someone who can make me strong enough to realize my dreams..

I want someone who can protect me when I fall down..

I want someone who can make me smile when I cry..

I want someone whom I can talk to for hours, but don't realize that days have passed by..

I want someone whom I can be silent with, but still feel that I had the best conversation..

I want someone who can listen to me without complaining, and without giving lectures..

I want someone who can see me like I am, but does not compare me..

I want someone who can accept me like I am, but does not judge me..

I want someone who can see my strength, but does not point out that I am weak..

I want someone on whose shoulder I can cry, and still feel strong..

I want someone who can never let me be alone, but be with me just to be with me..

I want someone who can talk to me just to talk with me, and not that I am out alone..

I want someone who can keep me alive, when there is no hope at all..

I want someone who can make me love myself more than ever and more than anyone..

I want someone in front of whom I want to be anything and everything..and can be..

I want someone to whom I am the first resort for anything..

I want someone from whom I can want everything..

I want someone who will be always there for me and with me..

I want an answer to the question if I will ever get such a someone..

I want an answer to the question if you can ever be such a someone..

I want YOU to be the answer to my every question..

I want YOU to be the answer to my life..!!

P.S.: Again, a flow of words..!! Not intended, but couldn’t help..!!

My journey to US of A..!!!

11th of August, 2009. 1745 hrs. Rajiv Gandhi International Airport, Hyderabad. No sentiments. No emotional scenes. There wasn’t enough time to see everyone who came to send me off. I directly went through the gate. Checked in my baggage. Had 2 kgs of excess luggage in my cabin. I thought that I had a chance to go out and give back some of the extra things from my baggage to my parents who were waiting outside the gate at the airport with a hope that I’ll come out again and with a desire to see me for one more time before I board the Air India flight to Newark from Hyderabad. I was coming out when the security guard stopped me and asked me what the problem was. I said I have to give some of my luggage to my parents. He showed me a location and asked me to give it from there. I didn’t see the restriction and went directly to my parents, gave them 2 of my shirts (don’t think how 2 shirts weigh 2 kilos..I transferred the other content into my backpack..fortunately for me, its weight was not seen). But didn’t have enough time to talk with them and share any sentiments with them. I don’t know if I really wanted to be sentimental. Though I could not. And did not try to. (Shall not divert from the topic..May write a blog about it later). I said bye to everyone who came to send me off and was about to go right through the gate when I was stopped. Actually I wasn’t supposed to come out to that location. I was supposed to give back my things from an inner location. Obviously, I didn’t know that and the security guards sent me inside after a minute of serious fuss. [;)][:P]
That wasn’t a big problem, though (It'd have been). Went again into the airport, and straight to Gate 30-B (where I was supposed to board my flight) after immigration check and all the other routine checks. Waited for around 1 and half hrs inside before boarding the flight. Had a gentleman to chat with (we shared the same surname…) from the point of boarding to the point of getting down in Newark. My flight was at 2045 hrs. We were slowly called to board the flight at around 2025 hrs. That was a domestic flight from Hyderabad to Mumbai. A usual domestic flight without any leg space. Leave leg space.. I did not have space to put my cabin baggage on the flight. So, finally after sometime, the crew checked in my cabin baggage. I had only my backpack left with me. Thank God, I had my passport, boarding pass and I-20 in the backpack and not the cabin baggage. The flight was supposed to reach Mumbai by 2210 hrs or so. But, due to weather problems and some delay at the start in Hyderabad (the so called Indian punctuality), we reached the place around 2300 hrs. We had two security checks in Mumbai and then boarded the flight from Mumbai to Newark. Didn’t have enough time to sit in Mumbai airport. This flight was scheduled to depart at 0115 hrs (not sure of the timings…its been long time and my memory is not as strong as it used to be. Another blog on my mind and memory later :P). But, the flight was delayed by around an hour waiting for some passengers to arrive. And finally, the journey to the US of A started!!
Again the same problem…no enough leg space. But much better than the domestic flight. I wanted to watch some movies on the screen in front of me. But I didn’t know how to operate it. Was shy to ask the crew members, which I should have. The worst part was that I couldn’t sleep well due to many reasons and there was a pair sitting right beside me, slept peacefully cuddling one another (not to be discussed much.. [;)][:P]). But somehow, just before reaching Frankfurt, asked the crew how to operate it. After that, I realized that I couldn’t find the headphones. Again called the crew for help. Then I didn’t know where the slot to put the headphone was. Was afraid to call them again. But just before reaching Frankfurt, asked and found out. Whoa…what a discovery finally and what an achievement!! Reached Frankfurt at around 0630 hrs (local time), just when I was seeing Jodha Akbar. Everyone was asked to get down to clean the flight. So, we went down to the transit terminal and waited for around an hour and were called back into the flight. This time, I had to change my place. Exchanged it for a guy who wanted to sit with a girl beside me (the previous pair got down at Frankfurt. These were some new ppl). Being so soft hearted, I donated my seat to him and went to his only to find out that I was sitting right beside a giant (That guy was so huge..couldn’t believe how he fit into that small place, when I, myself, had problems adjusting in the seat). Felt very sleepy due to the lack of sleep (:?) in the night. So, slept as soon as I went to that seat, only to be woken up by the crew to serve breakfast (who knows what it is or should be called? all the timings have changed!!) Whatever it is, ate that and watched the rest of Jodha Akbar. Felt sleepy after that. Slept but didn’t have a good sleep (no..its not ‘coz of the giant sitting beside me…but I couldn’t sleep). Finally landed at Newark airport 1 hr behind the schedule at around 11.20 AM (again, local time). Had no problems at all with the immigration and customs. Though took time to find my luggage. Came out of the airport. And realized that I’ve landed in US of A, the so-called land of whatever, I don’t remember!! :P
P.S :- I’ve mentioned ‘crew’ throughout and not ‘airhostess’. Some of them were air'hosts'. And the so-called hostesses were not as I expected them to be. All of them are middle aged. :( AI let me down. :( :( :( :P

I WISH..!!!

I wished I could fly high in the sky...
I wished I could swim across the ocean..
I wished I could walk across the whole earth...
I wished...


I wished I could be happy forever...
I wished I could be secure...
I wished you were there with me...
I wished...

I wished I could take you into my arms...
I wished I could see straight into your eyes...
I wished I could hold you forever...
I wished...

I wished life was simple...
I wished there were no restrictions...
I wished there were no complications...
I just wished...

I wished there was no expression other than a smile...
I wished there was no emotion other than happiness...
I wished there was no feeling other than friendship...
I wished...

I wished my wishes turn into reality...
I wished this was not a dream...
I wished I was not woken if this was a dream...
I wished...

I wished the present was as beautiful as the past...
I wished the future would be more beautiful...
I wished life would remain beautiful forever...
I wished...

Now, I only wish I ever wish again...
I wish I ever hope again...
I wish...
I only hope...

P.S:- Not intended to anyone nor anything. Words were in a flow. Couldn't help controlling them. :-|

What have I become??

Its been almost 7 months since I posted a blog. These months have been 'happening'. All this time, I wanted to write something. But on what could I write? On which emotion could I write? On which feeling could I write? I have felt every kind of emotion during this time. By the time, I try to pen down my thoughts on one particular emotion, the other comes in and pushes this one out. So, finally I'm writing this one in a position where I cannot 'feel' anything or any emotion could affect and in a state where I don't WANT anything.

I have been everything in this time. I have experienced acceptance and rejection at the same time, love and hate at the same time, like and dislike, cared and uncared for, weaker and stronger, and what not simultaneously. I was in a position where there were so many contradictions and the worst one was that I was contradicting myself. Can there be any worse situation? I don't think so. These moments have had a hard impact on me. But perhaps it is what that is supposed to happen. I guess this is what I am supposed to be and become.
There were a lot of feelings and emotions. I loved people. I hated a few. I liked some. I disliked some. I felt angry. I felt happy. I felt sad. I was ecstatic. I was crushed. I laughed. I smiled. I cried. I was weak. I was strong. I knew. I didn't know. I was jovial. I was serious. I listened. I talked. I dreamt. I lived. I did everything and nothing. I knew what I was. I didn't know what I was. But what did this make me? Did it make me anything?? What have I become??