A battle…against LIFE..!!

I am not afraid of being alone. Because, people say that a man is never alone. At least, his thoughts won’t leave him ever. But, I dread loneliness. However, loneliness too never leaves me. It dreads itself. It prefers staying with me. It has become my constant companion, rather, my adobe. Silence has become my character. Loneliness has become my adobe. Depression has been my state. And tears, my constant companions. Occasional smile has become my mask to hide those companions. And frustration became a habit. Irritation and anger have become unwelcome immigrants. Faith has been lost. Trust is no more. The most important, there is no hope. Friendship is just another fear that I get hurt again. Happiness has become a distant dream. And the result, I grew numb. I am still not sure if I’m numb or strong. It doesn’t make any difference to what it is as long as I don’t feel the pain.

I waited… with a hope...that my waiting will be justified...that my questions will be answered...that I will be with everyone as I want them to be...that the world will be as normal as I want it to be...and that I can be myself back again!! The question is... Can I wait forever?? I knew the answer… even if I can, it doesn’t make any difference.

That hope is lost.........I don't know if I'll ever return back!!!

“The hardest moment in life is not when you lose something and tears come out of your eyes. It is when you know you are losing something and you are forced to smile.”

Life has become a battle. A lone battle… a battle against myself… a battle against everything what I became to become what I want to be… a battle against LIFE..!!

So, what is the solution? First of all, is this a problem to be solved? Or is it a way of life to be accustomed without complaint? Is it a way of life? Or just a phase of life?

P.S: This is a post which I started lo00…000ng back. I couldn’t complete because I didn’t know how to. Got the right words now, but not a post concerned with the present.

P.S 2: I wrote and will be writing a few more posts concerned about myself, what I feel etc etc…blah...blah. If you think what I write and what I feel is self-pity, it is definitely YOUR problem and NOT mine. I am empathetic (NOT sympathetic) with myself because I love myself so much. If you cannot be empathetic with me or anyone else or at least with yourself, go see a psychiatrist. And for those who don’t know the difference between being empathetic and sympathetic, go buy a dictionary.